The Second Newsletter of Zack's Newsletter
Featuring: Strawberry Malteds! MAD MEN Subplot! A Tablecloth!
Welcome to the second installment of my newsletter! If you enjoy this, please share with others and encourage them to subscribe.
Above is a picture of me from 1991 my mom sent me. I don’t know what that shirt is either.
JUST SEEN ON TWITTER MOMENTS BEFORE DOING A FINAL DRAFT:
BECAUSE MY FRIEND DOUG REQUESTED IT:
Via writer Nathan Rabin, a YouTube playlist of a “rap” album recorded by McGruff the Crime Dog in 1986. It tells you a lot about why drugs are bad in a way that makes them sound quite entertaining.
https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD0PO-F6QwRNqGMPEvFTHyz243Ds1A_5P
STRANGE BUT TRUE:
Legendary cartoonist Jim Woodring shared a tragic/amazing story on Facebook:
MORE OLD TV!:
Was going through old TV shows on YouTube and found an episode of TV that seems particularly relevant today: “The Benefator,” from THE DEFENDERS.
A legal series about father-son lawyers played by E.G. Marshall (who’d previously appeared as one of the title characters in creator Reginald Rose’s 12 ANGRY MEN) and Robert Reed (a trained Shakespearean actor later well-known for playing a man named Brady), THE DEFENDERS often tackled controversial issues, and “The Benefector” dealt with one television is still sensitive about touching today: Abortion. The episode resulted in sponsors pulling out and a number of affiliates refusing to air it….and also inspired a second-season episode of MAD MEN of the same name several decades later, where the ad agency tries to take advantage of the ad boycott by getting a deal for their clients.
Here’s the episode and an excellent article by historian Stephen Bowie about the controversy. THE DEFENDERS is on DVD (the first season anyway) from SHOUT! Factory.
The Defenders “The Benefactor”
https://classictvhistory.wordpress.com/2008/08/15/benefactors/
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT:
Going from a very heavy topic to a very light one, I found online a reproduction of the acclaimed-but-little-known William Timlin picture book THE SHIP THAT SAILED TO MARS, about…well, see the title. The plot’s not terribly important, but the illustrations are GORGEOUS and the text was done in an almost illuminated manuscript style. I found a reprint of it at a used bookstore years ago and just thought of it again recently. There are images here you will never forget!
http://web.archive.org/web/20091026174106/geocities.com/anaiselise2nd/index.html
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THAT:
Here’s a generator that can create random names like the “Extreme” characters of 1990s comic books, a decade that introduced (not making any of these up): Bloodfire, Bloodstrike, Bloodhawk, Shadow Hawk, Shadowman, Shadowstryke, Stryke Force (unrelated), Razorsharp, Gunfire, Ripclaw, CyBlade, Skullfire, Quickdeath, Bloodwynd, Bloodscream, Bloodstorm, Death Mask, Death Masque, Death Wish, Punch-Hurt-Kill-Kill and those are just the ones I could remember or was able to immediately google.
https://perchance.org/90s-extreme-generator
Marvel themselves parodied this trend at the time, as seen in the 1992 MARVEL: THE YEAR IN REVIEW:
Randomly seen on Instagram: BEST DONUT EVER
AND FINALLY: A STORY ABOUT A TABLECLOTH WITH THREE PUNCHLINES:
So my parents are coming to visit tomorrow, and like most people, that stresses me out. I get along well with my parents…when we talk on the phone, or there’s a few hours of driving between us, or if I’m visiting THEM and it’s under five days.
We’re pretty close, but when they stay with me I have to do my DAMNDEST to avoid falling into old patterns. Dad NEEDS something to fix around the house, or to find how something is off. He will always, ALWAYS check my sink when he arrives for any lingering residue, and note if the cleaner used on my kitchen floor is sticky. Mom, meanwhile, is more of a decorative type; my messiness and total lack of organization often comes into conflict with her impulses to add something to the house or see some disheveled room brought into order. My adult diagnosis with ADHD and ASD has helped me deal with some of these, but again, it’s easy to fall into those patterns where I’m trying not to blow up while wishing they would just accept my explanation and let something GO.
My god, I’m ungrateful. I should call them after this.
Anyway, funny story that always gets a laugh from people:
A couple years ago, Mom emails me to say she’s ordered me a tablecloth off Amazon. No birthday, no particular reason, she just thought I needed a tablecloth. I thanked her and went on with my day.
Now, keep in mind that my dining room table is right by the front door of my condo and I live alone, so it mostly serves as a receptacle of mail, delivery boxes, photo setups, things I’m sorting through…pretty much everything except, you know, dining.
So I didn’t really do anything with the tablecloth. Flash forward four or five months later:
Mom and Dad come down and they’re staying with my brother because he’s closer to a hospital where they’re getting something checked. So, the pressure is off! I book us a few tickets to see an old movie (I’ll tell you about it at the end), and reservations to a nice restaurant. They come over an hour or two before the movie starts.
At some point, Mom goes, “Oh, you know that tablecloth I got you? I want to see it on your dining room table.”
Now, the table is COVERED with stuff, and that immediately triggers me, because I know what little organization it has will be snuffed out once I take it off.
So, I explain that would be a hassle and I’ll just do it later and take a picture.
“Oh, but I’m here right now! I just want to see how it looks!”
I explain how I want to keep my stuff together and it’s really easier to take a picture.
Mom gets insistent.
I PROMISE I’ll take a picture, but could we just let it go?
Mom says “Fine,” the way where it’s NOT fine but recognizes the need for detente. I cautiously await the sweet release of relief. I’ve asserted myself while avoiding an argument! I’m an adult!
Then Dad goes, “Wait, why can’t he just do it now?”
Mom: “He said he’ll take a picture!”
Dad: “But we’re here right now and he — “
I forget what they were saying because at that point I was in my chair, detaching from all sense of reality, gripping the arms as my knuckles turned very white. Everything I said was very short and eerily calm, because no way was I going to have an argument before a movie and dinner!
ANYWAY: We go to the movie, they like the movie, we go to dinner — after Dad, at length, demonstrates to me how a “better” way back from the theater is to cut across three speed-bump-filled parking lots than just do the simple U-turn at a stoplight I always do — and we’re laughing and all is good.
Then Dad brings up how he’s relieved, because before we left, “I thought you were going to explode!”
And I’m thinking, “I didn’t want YOU to explode!” And Mom’s going, “Oh, we come into his house and take over everything” and I’m starting to tune out again but thankfully everything de-escalates.
So they leave, and Mom goes, “But I want a picture of that tablecloth!”
PUNCHLINE THE FIRST:
A few days later, I carefully get everything off the dining room table, put the tablecloth on, take a picture and text it to Mom.
She replies: “Looks good! Now take it off again, you don’t want to get anything on it.”
PUNCHLINE THE SECOND:
A year or so later, and I’m having my GF (who thankfully is messy like me and most forgiving) over for a nice dinner, so I decide to break out the tablecloth! Finally, an occasion to use it! And…I look everywhere and can’t find it.
PUNCHLINE THE THIRD:
Eventually, I remember, or think I do, that Mom had me bring the tablecloth up to her and Dad’s for a Christmas tablesetting. I mention this to her, concerned I’ve lost the tablecloth, and A) she doesn’t remember if I brought it up, B) doesn’t mind if it’s lost, and C), doesn’t actually remember the tablecloth at all.
I ask you.
Well, they’re only staying for…five days this trip. I’m kind of 50/50 on whether I want any new stories to come out of the visit.
AGAIN: God, I’m sharper than a serpent’s tooth, aren’t I? I should make sure my therapist is on the subscription list.
Oh, the film we saw was a revival screening of THE ATOMIC CAFE (1982), a documentary made up of propaganda footage showing how the US government “sold” the atom bomb and how to survive it to the American public, filled with material that is both hilarious and chilling based on how much you know about real-world events. You can rent it on YouTube and Amazon and the usual places.
I figured Mom and Dad would like it based on their growing up in that era. They DID like it, but it triggered some flashbacks about the “duck and cover” training they had to go through and how kids at school were trained on things like how to deliver a baby in a fallout shelter and I was reminded that no matter the decade, young people had to go through a lot. WHY MUST I DISRESPECT THEM
…sorry.
So that’s the second newsletter! Here are some buttons I didn’t realize I could add before: